I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night