Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.