...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard