Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  dude, i look like john mccains neck right now

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  (818): dude, i look like john mccains neck right now http://tfl.nu/y0kt
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  (818): View more from California

  The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".

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  (818): The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp". http://tfl.nu/1x9v
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  (936): View more from Texas

  im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...

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  (936): im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses... http://tfl.nu/w5rv
  Replies (6) Good night (3603) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.

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  (207): No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have. http://tfl.nu/1nc6
  Replies (51) Good night (1369) Bad night (3457) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.

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  (612): Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down. http://tfl.nu/yekc
  Replies (15) Good night (1414) Bad night (2184) Order T-Shirt
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  (951): View more from California

  Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?

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  (951): Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win? http://tfl.nu/8vq4
  Replies (4) Good night (1036) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful

  (1-423): View more from Tennessee

  breakfast of champions

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  breakfast of stoners

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  (423): animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful (1-423): breakfast of champions (423): breakfast of stoners http://tfl.nu/cslr
  Replies (6) Good night (1214) Bad night (465)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis

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  (970): Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis http://tfl.nu/gujt
  Replies (13) Good night (3485) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc

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  (314): I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc http://tfl.nu/aic3
  Replies (3) Good night (823) Bad night (938)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x

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  (503): I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x http://tfl.nu/uq2x
  Replies (5) Good night (831) Bad night (276) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again

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  (+44): tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again http://tfl.nu/n6kd
  Replies (29) Good night (1785) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister

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  (780): Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister http://tfl.nu/6uk5
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.

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  (614): It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment. http://tfl.nu/va62
  Replies (5) Good night (537) Bad night (367) Order T-Shirt
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.

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  (520): She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup. http://tfl.nu/0yof
  Replies (2) Good night (574) Bad night (231) Order T-Shirt
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.

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  (334): He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird. http://tfl.nu/8c4b
  Replies (3) Good night (144) Bad night (318) Order T-Shirt

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