My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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