The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
