I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
