You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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