why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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