Sry I called you an 8
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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