you guys were way drunker than both of me
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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