Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
