the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
