Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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