I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
