it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
