You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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