My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
