I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
