we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
