if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
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I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
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IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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