Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
