So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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