Don't make out with my wife yet
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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