I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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