he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
