who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
