tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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