i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
