Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
