he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
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It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
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My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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