I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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