2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
