The best revenge is premature balding
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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