Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
