I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
