she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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