It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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