I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
