saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
