just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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