I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
