he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
