Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
