Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
