Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
