So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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