shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just gift wrapped bread.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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