I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
whose parrot is this?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
