Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
my liver is dry heaving
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
