I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
