my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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