This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
