You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
