i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
