you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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