he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
