remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
