Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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