The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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