This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
