For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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