Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
