guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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