Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
