im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
