You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
