Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
