FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
