these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
