i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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