Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
