I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
