Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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