you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
