omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
